Producer Joe

When you get a call from an old friend

2009-11-09T22:24:00Z

When you get a call from an old friend like I did today you hope it's a cause to rehash the stupid moments you shared when you were young and dumb (even more so than now).

I hadn't actually talked to Danny Macro on the phone for years, but we exchanged a few messages over Facebook. Four days ago I asked about a post on his wall that read: Get better soon Benny! Prayers sent. I asked if this was our friend Ben Keeney, and what the troubles were. I was told that Ben was in an induced coma fighting off infections caused by the H1N1 virus. This was harsh news, but came with the caveat that all was looking up.

When I got the call from Dan today we didn't talk about the stupid things we did. Not long after the usual 'Hey, how are you?" but before anything else was spoken I knew that a close friend had passed away.

It's been some time since I dealt with death, at least a death that hit so close to home. The closest person to me to pass away was my Oma (that's nazi speak for grandma). This was eleven or twelve years ago. As almost anyone at that age would do I just cried. In hindsight it's such a simple thing. You cry till your head pounds and your tears dry up and it's over; you feel better for the time being.

I'm just now finding out that it doesn't work that way for me now. Tears don't come as easily as they did then. Now I sit stunned and sad but still not quite grasping this situation. Maybe this is how it is now that I'm older. Instead of the devastation that set in a decade ago I think about the half a lifetime of good memories I have because I was lucky enough to know a guy like Ben.

Having had a rough childhood I've programmed myself to focus on the future and fresh starts. Because of that I'm not too big on keeping photos and trinkets from the past. I do keep a few though. Lucky for me knowing him was reason enough to have most of my photo albums filled with our great times. While I look through them I'd like to tell you just a few of those reasons (I say a few knowing the list will be as long as my lifetime).

I met Ben while working at the Glen Theater. I have fond memories of my time there because of him. The good times didn't come from doing the best job I could do for $5.15 an hour. It's the times we brought six packs of Strohs to hide in the ice machine, and treated it like the bullshit teenage job it was.

He was a truly funny guy. I really don't remember a time hanging out with him when he wasn't making me laugh. He was a great storyteller which is rare. If he had worries or stresses - I'm sure he did as we all do - I didn't know what they were. It's hard for me to explain that. He was just that kind of guy.

Ben loved radio as much as I did. He was the only guy I knew that would take a train 40 minutes to meet me at a school he didn't go to so we could bullshit on a college radio station that no one listened to. We didn't get anything out of it. We just wanted to hang out, make fun of life, and talk. That was fun to us.

Think about the friends you have and what you do when you hang out. Now narrow it down to the people you can just sit there and do nothing more than talk with and have a blast. The list is tiny, zero for some, but he was on mine.

Ben loved all things Chicago especially the sports. While most of our friends, along with most of the city we lived in, creamed jeans for the Cubbies - he was a Sox fan. I will forever call him a homo for that, but I respect it.

These are the universal reasons why Ben was a best friend. I have a million other specific stories to go with the pictures and memories.

So what to do now? I don't know. Hopefully you can appreciate this. Not because most of you knew him personally but because you know someone just as important to you in your life.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and the people that knew and loved him. It was my pleasure to have had you as a friend Benny.

Ben, Me, some girls, and a retarded man circa 2002

Ten tips for a safe and fun Halloween

2009-11-02T01:24:00Z

I wrote this list as a handy guide for you to make it through what can be one of the scariest nights of the year unharmed and better off.

If curling up in the fetal position and waiting for daylight while sobbing isn't for you, this will be your map to a happy Halloween. The problem with writing this the day after Halloween though is that it can't be used as a guide to Halloween. Luckily these tips are universal and there's another holiday right around the corner.

With a couple of edits and switch-a-roos I'll save you the trouble of worrying about all the stresses Thanksgiving can bring. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving can be a day filled with joy, candy apples, Bit-o-Honeys, and fun. It can also be a day filled with horror, violence, fire, and rape.

Here are fourteen tips to keep it on the fun side:

1.Protect yourself; you can't depend on the overall goodness of society, and the sanity of most people to keep you rape free on Thanksgiving. Keep a gun at your side, and wear a helmet at all times.

2.If you plan on staying home and handing out candy always assume the people knocking on your door are Satan worshipers. Save yourself the trouble of wondering who you can and cannot trust by lacing all of your candy with poison and eating it. Worrying is something dead people don't do.

3.Don't molest kids; they will appreciate it!

4.If you're going to wear a costume don't forget to ask: Would Jesus approve?

5.If you're going to wear a costume part 2: Just for the Ladies. If you can't see your nipples, I can't see your nipples. Please fix this problem.

6.Don't do number 5

7.Watching scary movies is a great way to get into the Thanksgiving mood... If you're a HOMO.

8.Only set fire to buildings that house organizations you disagree with politically.

9.Light a Holiday Bayberry Yankee candle. You feel better already, don't you.

10.Only pussies go trick or treating. Steal candy from weaker children and then throw eggs at them.

11.If you're a Goth year round you will enjoy Halloween. It will be harder for people who aren't weirdoes to pick you out as the fat ugly kid they wish would just die.

12.Doing drugs will enhance your Thanksgiving experience. Still, keep in mind: Ecstasy's euphoric effects does not = OK to masturbate in public.

13.The more you know

14.Another one for the ladies. It can be hard to tell a persons age when their wearing a costume. If you meet a guy you want to make love to, but aren't sure he's of age, check for pubes. If there's grass on field play ball.

Now go out and have yourself the time of your life!

Hey Zach Galifiniakis' Beard

2009-10-23T02:53:00Z

Hey Zach Galifiniakis' Beard,

It's me, Joe's Beard. I've been tempted to write to you a few times just to say hi and that I was a pretty big fan. Heck I still am a pretty big fan.

The reason now however is because you've gotten way too famous. I used to have my own identity. I was the Christmas beard of 2007. It was a seasonal gig though. I knew the end of the line would be here before I knew it (what a retarded sentence). Christmas came and went and I even stuck around for half of January before my shaving. So it goes.

I did a few odd jobs here and there. I was the pubes of a man who was the Easter Bunny. That was the first time I saw Joe's face other than in the mirror. I was also the mustache of a kid toucher, a cop from the 70's, and my dad from now. Though to be fair he and the molester were one and the same.

Then in early July of this year I was called back to Joe's fat face. This time around though everything was fucked. All that time I spent above a cock and under noses getting jizzed on, you were selling out and getting famous.

These days no one ever says: "Hey Christmas beard from two years ago, you're back!" Now it's: "You look like that beard from the Hangover". Zach Galifiniakis wasn't the first guy to decide he wanted to give up on not looking like a dirty slob, you know.

You probably think you're so great now; don't you? Well you're not. You may live in a whole house and not just a room in your buddies basement. You may have money to buy foods that don't come in an unlabeled can you think might be SpaghettiO's, but you bought it anyways because mystery cans are always on sale. You may even look down on me because you smell like vagina sometimes and I smell like dingleberries all the time.

Get off your high horse asshole!

So I guess basically I just was wondering if you could stop being in movies, and on tv so people will forget about you.

Thanks so much,

Joe's beard

My Brief Dealings with the UFL

2009-10-12T04:29:00Z

-----Original Message-----
From: Joe
Sent: Friday, October 09, 2009 7:41 AM
To: UFL PR
Subject: Re: Radio Interview

Hi,

It's Joe again.

I sent the email you see below to you a while ago. I was hoping to
help you promote your brand new league, but was ignored. Well that's
egg in my face. Clearly you didn't need my help. How foolish of me to bother you with this request.

Your first game debuted last night, and here we are talking about it.
Oh wait, it turns out you could have used it after all. The only
things mentioned on our show, and in all other media today is what a
miserable catastrophe it was.

We just went into commercial break, so If anyone ever wants to hear
your name mentioned again they'll have to buy a podcast.

Everyone hates you!

Fuck you, you failure!

Joe

On Tue, Jul 21, 2009 at 10:29 AM Joe wrote:
> Hello,
>
> I was wondering if anyone from the UFL had plans to do a radio tour or
> if anybody was available for interviews in the near future.
>
> Thanks so much,
> --
> Joe

Kids are cool

2009-10-07T04:37:00Z

For months now I've been part of the big brother program. Though I'm not the great mentor that I had (one that teaches how much a quality bag of pot should cost, squirters are awesome, and how to spray paint your name on things) I think I'm pretty a-ok. I take him rock climbing, give him comics and tell him that doing well in school is AWESOME! I do all of that without swearing or stinking of Bud Light.

All self loathing aside it's a good gig. The unexpected surprise I stumbled upon though is a new appreciation of parents (good ones, not like the kind that bone their kids or anything). This came about at a soccer game I went to so I could spread some big brother like support around. Well let me tell you: this wasn't easy. The reason this is uneasy is because I now know - that watching kids play sports - is the most boring thing ever!

If you've never sat through an entire game made up of these little uncoordinated Bambi's you're missing nothing. Their lack of finesse and power when kicking the ball made me want to stick my penis in my ear with hopes of it hitting the brain. I don't want to sound too cruel; I don't hate the kids. I think it's awesome that they have a better chance of not ending up a chucky pot head with boobies than I did. But really, seriously, it sucks - kind of a lot.

The fourth quarter dragged on with us one down making the score a whopping 1-0. I felt good believing at this point that I would be leaving as soon as the clock hit zero. Then the unthinkable happened... One of our guys somehow managed to nudge the ball towards the visitor's goal. As the little chunk they called their goalie strained to bend over to stop this catastrophe the ball that ambled past the goal line. I clapped and cheered feverishly inside I cried. Believing overtime was a possibility my brain screamed "Pease Jesus don't make me stay!"

Jesus like I always said is a pretty great guy. It turns out he thought the game was gay and put an end to it almost as quickly as it had been tied up. I gave him a high five (the kid, not Jesus) and a "you'll get them next time" and clicked my heels back to the car. I will have to endure this so many more times in this life, but with the thought of getting home to watch the new episode of Mr. Chews Asian Beaver; who cares?

Anyways, cheers to you parents! Even bigger cheers to the ones stolid enough to think youth sports are exciting in any way.

Freedom is a word I rarely use without thinking

2009-09-23T01:19:00Z

Those powerful lyrics are from Donovan's 1965 single Colours. They also have nothing to do with this blog...

I sure do fucking loathe people who still haven't figured out how to use the self checking lanes at the grocery store.

I remember going to a show at the Second City in Chicago in 2003 and seeing a sketch about these brand new contraptions. This was a really simple and on the mark sketch involving a woman who has difficulty checking out because the machine blew dick. And it was dead on. Those machines used to blow dick. They were super touchy and always wanted to speak to you in Spanish.

That sketch was six years ago! It's time to fucking adapt to this space aged technology. The machines work perfectly fine now. What is the hold up? Stop being afraid to learn to be a better person that other people can like. Or at least stop being a tumor that wastes my time by being retarded.

Here are a few tips for you:

If you're having trouble figuring out what this "robot" is trying to make you do, don't worry. Take a step back, calm yourself, and then shoot a bullet into your face.

It's easy to become confused in this Tron-esque future world we're living in, but remember the tips and help make this world a happier more convenient place to live in.

New Between Two Ferns

2009-09-09T03:03:00Z

For some reason this makes me want to punch Charlize Theron. It's probably because she all like "I'm all fucking hot and successful". I am offended as someone who is neither of those things. What a totally unnecessary uncalled for rant... How dare she try and be funny though

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

While you're at it check out this comic I've started watching:

Someone in this world wants my advice for some reason

2009-08-31T18:56:00Z

Please send all questions to joe@freebeerandhotwings.com
I will answer questions in any order I choose, or not at all.

----- Original Message -----
To: askjoe@FreeBeerAndHotWings.com
Sent: Wednesday, August 12, 2009 7:12:34 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Member - Teach me how to not be a FAT ASS.

Hey Joe, first of all love the show man. You guys all do a great job, fuckin' hilarious. Anyways, being big sucks. You obviously remember the hellish times of being a slob. I'm pretty beasty, but on a real note really would love to change my life around. This isn't a joke or anything of that nature...I just would like to know what motivated you into committing yourself to losing the pounds...besides losing crumbs in your moobs...or breathing heavily walking up some stairs. If you have a little time, maybe just tell me how you started your dieting. What worked, what not to do? I don't wanna waste your time and I'm not trying to be dumb...just want an opinion from someone who obviously stepped the fuck up and did something about their problem. Thanks a lot Joe, hope everything goes good for ya buddy.

Hope to hear from you. -Matt

Hey Matt,

What motivated me was just an overall sick of looking like a slob / general unhealthy feeling. It's also pretty gross when, during an awesome sex session, your boobs rubbing against hers looks like a mirror image (the girls I go for look like fat hairy men).

In a way it sucks trying to be healthy way more than being a slob. Eating a whole bag of Totinos pizza rolls while smoking, and playing xbox is so much fun; easier too. For a while I was on a crazy health kick. It is just fucking torture. I would get all fussy and homo-ish if I didn't do one million activities a day. I now have found some sort of balance. Im still a pudgy fucker, but I don't feel quite as pathetic as I did when I couldn't fit into normal pant sizes.

Eating better is the first step. If you were like me you eat lots of everything (including cock. Zing!). That switch in most people that tell them to stop eating because they're full never turns on in us fatties. So pick things you can eat lots of but aren't too bad for you. Salads and shit (not shit literally). Stop eating out completely. I became a vegetarian so that I could immediately cut out most fast food places. It was my twisted way of making it so I would rarely think of going to a greasy fast food place.

Find some sort of activity that you like and can do. I started with rock climbing and biking and worked my way up to running. The more I ran the less I wanted to smoke. So that was kind of cool.

I'm still not super healthy or skinny but it's a definite improvement over being the fat whore I was or you are now.

This should all be followed by don't bother taking my advice because I'm stupid. Instead I will end it with take my advice because I'm super smart and my tit size is smaller than yours

Good luck,

Joe

An open letter to the woman who smashed into the video store while I was there, and a super awesome mini blog.

2009-08-21T18:00:00Z

Dear Bad Driver,

Thank you for being terrible at doing something so easy that they allow sixteen year olds to do it. They don't even allow sixteen year olds to smoke cigarettes or drink beer, and those are two of the easiest things in the world.

You're probably thinking something like "My day is pretty much ruined". Well allow me to turn your frown upside down. You gave me more joy in that one moment than I had felt all day! You made a stranger smile, so congrats to you! My trip to the video store was made a googol times better, and for the rest of the day no, wait, the weekend I will have a little extra pep in my step.

The moral is: Your misery will always make someone's day better. Literally yours... Mine is never funny.

Check out the "Video Store Car Crash" album on the Photos Page for pictures!

Mini Blog: The time I gave my friend the cocksuckiest keep your chin up advice ever

Today a friend of mine told me he was sad for the first time ever today. If you knew Pete you would believe this. I responded with something along the lines of; "Its cool because you will be even happier when you get over it". What a bunch of aids that is. If someone had even thought about telling me that I would have penis punched myself.

Disclaimer: If I'm ever to ram my car through anything it is illegal to read this blog without permission... Just to save time: You do not have permission.

I got a million emails like this today. This is my response

2009-08-11T04:51:00Z

So you know; I don't preach anything. Eating organic is something I believe is better for you. I don't even necessarily eat only organic all the time. I do think that people who eat organic tend to be healthier than people who don't, but that may just be the mind state of that type of person.

I don't know for a fact if there's evidence either way because I don't watch movies like this to regurgitate the info as my own argument or to argue anything in general. I just take what I want out of it for myself. The fact is you know as much as me because we both get our info from the same place: Other people.

I don't know why people get so bent out of shape when I say I prefer or think organic foods, locally grown foods, or free range meats not grown with hormones and crazy amounts of antibiotics are better for you. I don't care when anyone else says what they prefer their diet to be. That would be a stupid waste of time.

I'm not going to watch the video because I don't care. If its hilarious it will go viral and then I will see it. Thanks though.

Joe

The Free Beer & Hot Wings Show

> Date: Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:17:23 -0700
> From: Jason W
> To: askshow@FreeBeerAndHotWings.com
> Subject: Member - organic food is bullshit
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWxl05cCA88
>
> this follows joe's food inc. obsession. there is no proof that organic is any better. watch the whole segment. hippies freak out about how much better the organic bananas taste rather than the genetically modified (even though the bananas were just halves of the same banana)
>
> i however do not agree with the patenting of seeds. (they are actually patenting DNA of plants) this is eliminating diversity in immunities/anti-bodies in our crops. through the same logic, you could technically patent human DNA.
>
> Jason W

Road Rage Hypocrite

2009-08-07T21:46:00Z

I get soooo pissed when I drive. As calm as I am most of the time I find great fun in swearing loudly at every single person (though not actually at them because I'm a pussy) on the road that doesn't have my agenda in mind... This obviously is everyone who isn't me.

Yesterday I had a horrible self realization that I am a complete hypocrite. This is something I strive not to be in every other facet of my life. So it sucks to admit this.
This came about when I drove up to what turned out to be a massive row of cars going the same direction as me. This by the way was the only lane that was going to take all of us to the expressway. This also by the way was the very moment that I decide to make my way out of this lane and into the left lane which ends up as a left turn only lane.

I sped past 30 or so cars to the intersection. It was at this point that I did what I did every time I pull a weasel move on the road. I looked around confused - I'm sure no one even looked at me at this point - as if to say "oh shoot; I've driven to the front of the wrong lane" or "I had no idea this was a left turn only lane because I've never gone this route before". These are both unspoken lies that I have just conveyed to all - no one - with retarded facial expressions.

I click my turn signal lever to the left. I look back to see if anyone notices the horrible mistake I've made and that I want their help in trying to correct it by letting me in. The light turns green and two cars and a truck speed past quickly. I imagine them saying fuck you and I get pissed! How can these assholes be such dicks to a guy who made an honest mistake! They didn't know that I drive this way every single day.

Since I snuck in right after them and before a slow mover I'm at this point right next to one of the guys who wouldn't let me in. I give him death stare, but the smug jerk wont even look at me. This is as far as this all went. No fingers or yelling... No running each other into a ditch either. I'm not that crazy.

So although I realize how dickish this all is I don't know that I can fix it. Wait I meant I know that I can fix it, but I wont. That would mean leaving early and being prepared. The weasel in me says screw that and who am I to argue with that.

I do weird things for fun

2009-07-27T23:04:00Z

Today I talked on air about how after getting an email from my roommate while on vacation letting me know she was splitting, I went to work on a not so elaborate plan to beat her to the punch.

First let me tell you in a nutshell why I was so pissed: I hated the apartment I was living in. Though I hated it, I stuck around because despite having no lease tying me to the apartment, I promised her that I would live there for at least the year and that
there was no need to worry about me picking up and taking off. It's not really the breaking of a promise to stick around that I'm pissed about either.

So, you would think that because I hated living there this is a good thing. Well it is... Kind of. I do get to move away, so that's cool. The reason I feel shafted is because when splitting up utilities, I got satellite and internet. I signed a years contract tying me to these two things. She got the easy to cancel heat and electric.

Of course surely she would offer to pay for half till I figured it out or the year was up. It could have easily been her that got this end of the deal. No offer yet. Not that I would believe her had she said anything other than I will pay half and put them in my name.

So that was a little bit of a ramble but you get the idea. I was being sexed in the butt!

I was especially pissed about this because the news came in the form of a facebook message while I was in Costa Rica... Very grown up of her. Now instead of enjoying my vacation care free, I had to go on knowing that I would have to scramble for a place to move or find a roommate.

My not elaborate plan was super simple - or not elaborate.

I would find a place and move out piece by piece. First my room. The door is always closed so this would be simple. I followed that by removing books and movies little by little from shelves. I sold lamps that I didn't want anymore. My couches went out via sale to craigslist buyer too.

I made a checklist of all the things in my house that were mine and their exact location.

This would be for the day I would choose to wait for her to go to work, come in with a truck and take everything that remained. She would return to an empty house! This though made me happy and is exactly why I was doing it this way.

The end of the month nears and I get a text from her. Are you moving out at the end of this month instead of next? I don't respond. I miss a call from her with no voice mail. I don't respond.

I don't respond because I know that less than 24 hours from this time, I will never see her again. Tomorrow at three she would be working and I would pick up the truck I had reserved.

We swept in and quickly loaded the truck. Within 30 minutes, there was no sign in this house that I had ever lived there.

It was an awesome feeling. I loved it!

Everyone was always curious about one thing. Why? Why make everything so complicated and weird?

Answer: Because even if she had come home to empty house and thought nothing of it, even if this had ruined no part of her day (which it probably didn't), even if she didn't end up being on the hook for the full months rent or didn't mind having no cable and no internet, I didn't care. This made every single day since the end of my vacation
really fun.

Had she just come up to me and said "Are you moving out?" or been home the day I planned to move, I would have just said simply; "I'm moving, see ya". That's not fun though.

Sometimes I do weird things that don't make as much sense as just tackling them head on. I like it this way and don't really plan on changing anytime soon.

Why is this being sent to me

2009-06-29T18:04:00Z

In the past week I have had these texts sent my way:

Ed McMahon died
Farrah Fawcett Died
Michael Jackson Died
Billy Mays Died

One of these things doesn't belong... Hell three of these things don't belong. I cared as much about Farrah and Ed as I did about Billy.

When Steve sent me a text saying Billy Mays had died I replied with: Who? Please don't misunderstand I feel terrible for his family. Probably as terrible as his family would feel for me if someone in my family died. Really though, he was a guy who was on like four infomercials. Should that really be a headline? Did I have to know this asap like it was important breaking news?

I want a text only if the person had talent or went off the deep end.

Rules for texting dead people names to me:

Black pop sensation turned white pedophile drug addict - Good
Some guy on commercial - bad

Why is this being sent to me

2009-06-29T18:04:00Z

Why is this being sent to me

2009-06-29T18:04:00Z

My buddy and me

2009-06-18T21:04:00Z

After all sorts of meetings. After gathering together paperwork. After proving I'm not a molester Sunday I'll hang out with my little brother.

Not really mine in a related way. For some reason a month or more ago I was inspired to volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I guess I wanted to try something genuinely nice since I've made it my goal in life to make fun of everybody. Kind of like paying some dues so I can continue pretending to barf when I see a fat person on tv.

The process seemed kind of long at the time, but now that everything is out of the way and they've turned me loose it went by way fast.

I've met my "little" (that what they're called. How retarded!) twice now and he seems like a cool not weinery kid. The possibility of him turning out to be a weird douche makes me nervous. And then the though of being stuck scraping boogers off my car door for a year kicks in... Oh no

To top all of those thoughts off I just went through a packet they provided that is also making me freak out a little. The packet features scenarios of things that can go wrong. Like what if we're in a movie and he starts spazzing out. I don't know what to do! My brain says stick your wallet in his mouth and hit him like a copier till he's fixed.

Of course I'm kidding about that (I feel like this has to be stated before anyone goes nuts over that joke). Like I said I've met him twice and he's way laid back and cool.

All of this is serious on a certain level, but the excitement I feel to start something awesome and new like this easily trumps nervousness. My thoughts that this will be a totally sweet experience trump nerves too. This will be cool.

If nothing else comes from this at least there will be someone who can carry on my legacy of drawing dicks on everything

Have you ever done this

2009-06-05T04:03:00Z

This is more of a quick thought and a question than a real blog.

Today I talked about selling off all my furniture. I don't know why this popped into my brain all of a sudden, but it's not going away. I'm actually disgusted when I walk into my living room and look at all this stuff! Why the hell did I spend the last our years gathering all this stuff only to want less of it now... I'm stupid!

Has anyone reading this gone through with an insane thought like this?

Why do I hate live music?

2009-04-24T01:21:00Z

Why do I hate live music? Kind of...

Not all live music. Just most it seems nowadays.

I just took a look at the lineup for a few festivals coming up this summer amongst them was Bonnaroo in TN. I mention this specifically because it has to be the greatest lineup of bands I ever seen. The Beastie Boys are my all time favorites, and phish shows are the best. Tons of my friends have gone to Bonnaroo a bunch of times, and everyone always has a blast. I on the other hand have always declined and probably wont go this year either despite the awesomeness of the bands.

I'm a festival curmudgeon now.

One more note on it: Jimmy Fallon will be there. Why the F is Jimmy Fallon going to be there? Hasn't anyone told them that he blows and no one likes him?

Skydiving

2009-04-24T01:19:00Z

So maybe this is my once a year blog when I look out at the sky, see blue, and decide I want to jump out an airplane again. Then you will hear nothing else about it till next year after I puss out all summer.

Here's a little background for those who hadn't heard: Before getting into radio I was well on my way to becoming a professional skydiver. I had a little under 100 jumps under my belt when I had a bad jump that kept me away from it. As of today I haven't jumped out of a plane since 2002.

Actually though, I think this year may be different. I've been in touch with the people at my local drop zone. We talked about the things I would have to do to get back up there. I have also been in touch with my old skydive partner who now does it for a living in Hawaii. Just talking to him about what paradise looks like from 15,000 feet while skydiving gets me excited for this... On the other hand my palms sweat at that same thought.

We'll see.