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Halloween

2009-10-26T10:00:00Z

So I threw this idea out on the show a number of years ago, and the
other guys called me a jackass. I still think its right though.
Halloween is coming up this coming weekend. For those of you in the
warmer climates, this won't matter much. But in the cooler climates,
you can count on it to be dark, rainy, windy, and even sometimes
snowing. Even in the warm climates, its still obviously dark for
kids. So my suggestion was, why not move the holiday? Its a holiday
for kids. Sure, adults like to have parties and get drunk, but don't
we like to do that all the time? We could do that on the new "kids"
Halloween, as well as the regular one.

As for the kids, maybe do it in early September. The kids are back in
school. Its warm everywhere. Its probably not as dark when they are
out.

This is where I was called a jack ass last time. "It is tradition".
So? "That's when it always is". Still, I say, so?

Since I'm the only one who thinks this is a good idea, I doubt you'll
see a movement for this anytime soon. But still, I'll be waiting for
someone to show me actual logic why I'm wrong.

Happy Halloween!

The Lions win!

2009-09-27T22:59:00Z

December 23, 2007. That was the last time the Detroit Lions won a regular season football game. And today, I watched them win a game. I actually pumped my fist when they scored their first touchdown of the game. And then I gritted my teeth the rest of the way, hoping they wouldn't find a way to blow it like they have so many other times in the last 19 games.

In December of 2007, I lived in a different house. We actually owned two at the time and we were hoping to sell the one we lived in before we moved. Since then, we have gone on three vacations. On the show, we've added seven stations. We've lost four. My wife and I have fostered eight pets since the Lions last won. Hot Wings and his wife were still hoping to get pregnant the last time the Lions won a game.

Mathew Stafford, the Lion's quarterback, was just finishing his sophomore year at Georgia, where he was really making things happen for the Bulldogs.

I have learned to play two sports since then. Both poorly mind you. My wife has had three jobs. And three volunteering positions.

The Lions had lost 19 in a row. Sure, that's no where close to the 26 in a row the Buccaneers lost back in the 70's. The difference is the Bucs were an expansion team; the Lions have put on their futility streak after nearly a decade of high draft picks.

So Lions fans, today we celebrate! To my fellow Michiganders its been a long time coming.
And of course, its not surprising that the Lion's loss will probably lead to a coach being fired. Someone has to pay for letting the impossible happen.

I cried three times on Saturday...

2009-09-15T13:36:00Z

That's right, three times. I think everyone will understand the first two. The third time, well, not so much for most people.

You see, Saturday morning was Eric Zane's Tri for AT with Kate, the 11 year old friend of the show who has the terrible disease. Kate and her family are some of the most kind and generous people that I've ever met. The first time I cried was when Zane arrived back from the swim portion of the triathlon, pulling Kate behind in a boat. It was such joy on the face of a child that deals with all too much reality. I couldn't take it. Tears on the cheeks.

The second time was that same morning. When Zane and Kate, along with his competitor Pam and Kate's sister Olivia finished the race walking together hand in hand across the finish line, I don't think their were many dry eyes in the area.

The last time? Not as reasonable. In fact, I tried to hide it from my wife. It was when my alma mater, Central Michigan, kicked the game winning field goal to beat Michigan State in Saturday afternoon's game. That's right. I got teary. What the hell? What kind of a puss get's teary at that? This kind apparently.

Oh well, two out of three ain't bad.

What am I good at?

2009-09-02T02:42:00Z

My awesome wife Amanda likes to try and think of Friday Top 3 topics. She's not bad at it, but like the rest of us, they are not all perfect. But there is one that is tough that she really wants me to have us all do. She wants a topic to be the 3 best things about you. That means about me, by me. Same for the other guys with some self analysis.

I don't think that's going to work for me. So she suggested that it be the three things you are really good at. Now she loves me dearly, in spite of her typically strong judgment. But I'm not really good at anything. She hates when I say that, but I think its true. Not in a feeling bad for myself kind of way. But I just think its the truth. I try to be good at things, I'm just not. I'm mediocre or just slightly better (or worse) at pretty much everything I do.

If you've heard the show, you know as a radio guy, I'm mediocre. I'm not bad, just not great. I'm not the funniest. I may not be in the top four on the show when it comes to funniest. I definitely can't speak well.

What about basketball? I love basketball. But I've never been any better than mediocre. Doesn't matter now nor did it ever matter how much I try. I'm just pretty shitty.

Am I a good friend? Nah, I'm only adequate at best. I care for my friends deeply, but I struggle to stay in touch. I can't fix our house. I don't know anything about cars. I am no smarter than anyone else. I'm certainly not handsome. I'm kind of creative, but not really. So what is it? What are the best things about me?

I think I'm a good husband I guess. I try hard at that, and my wife says I'm the best. Good thing. That makes up for all the rest.

What about you? What makes you awesome?

I'm a golfer again?

2009-08-16T18:01:00Z

So I've had an on-again off again affair for a long time. I started playing when I was 15. My first time out I shot a 108. Not bad. Except it was on 9. Soon I was shooting in the low 70's, then the 60's. After high school, I decided since I wasn't getting any better, just more pissed off, that I was done with golf. I didn't play again until I moved to Omaha, and one day I just decided I was adult enough to play. Within a month I was playing two or three times a week. I was still playing terribly. Scores on 9 (I hate playing 18, even when I love golf) generally were in the 50's. I bought new clubs. I bought all kinds of stuff. I started to shoot in the low 40's. Now I love it! Then we moved to Knoxville. You could play golf 12 months a year there if you wanted to, but I was too focused on us being terrible at radio, so I played sparingly. After two years we moved to Bensalem, PA. I played zero times while we lived there. When we moved back to Michigan, I started to play again. I fell in love with the game again. After two years I took a lesson. It really helped. Then it happened. I got the "yips". I couldn't do anything. Rather then get another lesson, I got pissed again. So I quit. For the next three years I played three times. Each of them at a scramble the show helped sponsor. The last scramble was last Sunday. This time it was different though. It was fun. I wanted to play again. So I played yesterday. And I want to play today and tomorrow as well. I want to buy new clubs. (Why the hell would I need new clubs?)

So I guess I'm a golfer again. The question is, for how long this time?

Nashville

2009-08-01T04:34:00Z

Wow! I can't tell you how much fun we had a Limelight Thursday night in Nashville. We were in awe of the crowd, especially the way everyone came ready to get drunk and a have a good time. Thanks to Kenneth Eaton Ford for the truck, and to our friends at www.tjohne.com who do the game show production for us. And obviously, we couldn't do any of it without the great station and staff at 102.9 The Buzz. Oh, and thanks to the Sheraton Music City for putting us up. Its a great hotel and if you come to Nashville, you'd do well to check it out.

We were in Nashville for radio camp, and its a great place for that as well. The other radio people loved it, though I'm sure Nashville didn't enjoy the extra loud talkers and braggers walking around on Broadway.

We'll have details on Monday about all the stuff that happened on the trip, including people trying to see Joe nude, Hot Wings driving by the Corvette museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and the war story from the session I hosted where grown men were yelling at each other.

The Secret I'm holding on to!

2009-07-20T01:46:00Z

I started something on Friday. I had been thinking about doing it for a while. But Friday something happened that made me commit. I'd love to tell you what it is. I'm excited about it. When I'm finished it will be pretty great if I'm successful. That's why I can't tell you what it is. If I fail, I swear to you, I will tell no one ever. Not sure why. That's just how I feel right now.

I wasn't even going to tell Amanda. (my wife). But I don't keep secrets from her. I didn't want to have to lie and sneak around to make this happen.

Surely I'm not the only one who has embarked on something like this? Is there a notion you have followed? A goal you have set and chased? Or do you just harbor the thoughts and squash them down until life's daily monotony replaces the thoughts with concerns of bills, duties, and responsibilities?

Normally that's what I do. But not this time. I'll let you know how it works out. Maybe.

I Hate Fireworks!

2009-07-01T22:30:00Z

I hate fireworks. At least sometimes I know that's not popular around the 4th of July. Really its not popular anytime. I like firecrackers in the sink on our show. I like explosives over the phone. I like them on the big screen. But I don't really like fireworks in the sky, or more importantly, I hate them in our neighborhood. Let me separate the types for a moment. I don't hate fireworks displays for cities and communities. I just am not interested. If you've seen one fireworks show, you have seen them all. Unless its bigger and better then any display from ever before, I feel likes its watching a movie you've already watched and didn't really find it great the first time. I get that other people like them. My wife likes them, so I'll go with her if she wants. But, it would never be my idea.

In the neighborhood, I hate all fireworks. I don't want to watch your display of crappy legal or bare legal fireworks in the your front yard. I don't want to hear them all night long. And I definitely don't want to hear them night after night for a week and a half before and two weeks after the 4th of July.

So if you have to, blow the hell out of stuff on the 4th! Its your right, and some would say duty, to celebrate America's beginnings. But shut it down on the 5th. There's no need to be an asshole.

Thanks for Springfield, and thanks to you!

2009-06-17T14:19:00Z

This past weekend, we made the trip to Springfield, Illinois. We had a great time with all the people we got to meet on Friday and Saturday, as well as hanging out with the great staff at WQLZ. Every time we do an event like this, be it on the road or at home, its a reminder of how lucky we are to have the jobs we have. We would be the first to say we have a fun job, one that we've worked hard to get. But at the same time, there are a lot of people who work really hard and don't love their job.

At the same time, many people that we met this weekend went out of their way to thanks us! Can you believe it? Us either. People thanked us for doing our job that is fun, because it helped them get through their day and their job that is not as fun. You cannot imagine what a compliment that is for us. We met someone who had been sick and was going through chemo who listened to us during the treatments and said we were a nice bright spot during a dark time. She said thank you as well.

We even get thanked by soldiers overseas sometimes when they'll email and say they listen online. Surely we should be thanking them.

In fact, we may not say it often, because insults are more fun, but thanks for listening and allowing us to do what we do. And thanks to everyone for coming out and helping us make a great weekend in Sprinfield!

See you in Nashville at the end of July!

Don't be a pain in the ass as a salesperson!

2009-06-11T23:20:00Z

There's one business I'm glad might go bankrupt!

So there is a place that I like to shop for clothes. Well, not really. I like the clothes they sell. I hate shopping there. I am sure the employees of this place in the mall would also shopping there if they had to deal with themselves.

Here's how my trip to this clothing store went after Joe, Steve, and I went to see the Hangover last weekend. I knew I wanted to buy a few t-shirts. I walk in and I am greeted as soon as I walk in. I know that is good business, so that's cool. I walk to the first sale table in the front, and before I even look, another employee comes up to ask me "Whatcha doin in the mall?". "Trying to avoid you", I think to myself. She then, without waiting for my answer, she grabs something else and holds it up next to me and says, "Wow! I didn't know we had this, it would look great on you!". Really? You didn't know you have it? Even though its also on the mannequin at the front of the store and its clearly one of this weeks specials? "No thanks," I reply, as politely as possible. I make my way towards the back of the store, only to be stopped by someone else who needs to immediately know if I have any interest in one of their back packs, as she said, "Hey, you look like a hiker!" I thought, "Well, you look like a nosy skank with a big ass". Out loud I said, "oh, I wish, but no thank you." I grabbed a couple of t-shirts. I decide to make a run for it because I feel them swarming. As soon as I turn the first lady wants to know if I want some great cargo shorts to go with those shirts. After I explained that I didn't, she also quizzed me on my interest in sunglasses, button up shirts, socks, and even some hemp jewelry. "I just came in for some t-shirts", I say, hoping to send a subtle message. Not received. "Do you have a wife or girlfriend who would like you to bring her something home?" Again, my response was polite, yet minimal.

I race to check out and try and get away. A manager is now checking me out, and I'm guessing she wanted to lead by example. In between painstakingly folding each shirt meticulously, she races over and grabs some cargo pants and jeans that the t-shirts would look good with. I'm told I must have them. Wow, you managed to find something that works with t-shirts!

At this point I'm very irritated, and I said, "Maybe I could just check out and go, I'm trying to catch a movie". A lie, but one I was glad to tell.

I get home and start looking through the paper and I'm complaining to my wife about how ridiculous that place is, when I saw a blurb in the paper that they are on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. What? How can that be with all their add on sales? Oh wait, I get it. They are driving people out of the stores by treating people the way they would never want to be treated.

PUT A LEASH ON YOUR DOG, IDIOT!

2009-06-02T17:16:00Z

I have two dogs. Alice is an 8 year old lab/border collie we got from the Knox County Humane Society in Tennessee. Max is a two year old mix of hound, German shepherd, and Rhodesian ridgeback. (That breed gives him a mo-hawk!)

One of my favorite things to do every day, or at least as often as possible is to take them for their walk. It's good for all of us. It gives me a chance to get some exercise and a chance to clear my head. It gives them a chance to smell everything and then pee on it within four square miles.

There is only one thing I don't like about dog walks. It's the idiots who think their dog's do not need leashes. I have mine on leashes, not because they are dangerous, but because I can't control the unknown. So when some idiot walks up to us with their dog off the leash and does nothing to stop their dog from running towards us, it really chaps my ass. "It's okay, he's nice," they say. Well good for you. One of mine is not nice with other dogs, but now your dog is right in my dog's face. Now they are fighting. But its okay, because you think you are entitled to use the park as a dog run. Idiots.

Same goes for kids. Don't let your kids run up to the dogs and say, "Its okay we have dogs at home." I don't run up to stranger's kids, then say "Its okay, I have kids at home." Besides, even if you have dogs at home, you don't have my dogs at your home. What if they like to bit ugly kids with food on their face? Now you're screwed.

Don't get me wrong, I like when people ask to say hello. That's great! Just don't charge at us like you see at $200 laptop at Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving.

HOCKEY PLAY OFFS!

2009-06-02T17:14:00Z

As you all know, I am a huge sports fan. I follow my teams, keep up on the leagues, and seem to remember too much information about too many things. But I think this is one of my favorite times of the year. Both the NBA and the NHL are in the playoffs. For the better part of the last decade that would mean its time to root for my favorite teams in those two leagues, the Pistons and Red Wings to make a deep run in the playoffs. This year, clearly, it's the Red Wings, or no one at all.

That said, there is something special about the Stanley Cup Playoffs. On paper, it's the same as the NBA playoffs. In each, you have to win four seven-game series to be declared champion. Yet, it seems, the Stanley Cup is the harder trophy to win. The NHL is more likely to see top teams upset, top stars hurt, and anxious fans with high expectations feeling blue.

More importantly, I love the tradition. The playoff beard, when players stop shaving until their team hoists Lord Stanley's Cup. Players who avoid the Cup out of respect until they've won it. The moment when winning team shakes the hand of the losing team in a display of sportsmanship often missed in other sports.

If you've never been to a playoff game, you are missing out. The atmosphere in a packed arena where every time a player steps on the ice it could change his team's destiny is electric.

I don't know if the NHL is my favorite sport, but I know the playoffs are one of my favorite things to watch!